Fifteen

When we visualized hitting the “fifteen years of marriage” mark we had big plans. See, it would be in 2020… my fiftieth year. Definitely a momentous milestone to look forward to and enjoy. We would start by gathering with family and friends in Tucson, in early January.

That’s where, even after almost eleven years away, it still feels like “life” is. I often get corrected at work by friends who say “Washington is home now, Tom” when I refer to Tucson. I know. It is. But celebrating a half century with family and friends in the warm, sunny desert… where my life was… seemed appropriate. Later in 2020 we planned to go to Maui with the whole crew. Because that’s where we honeymooned in 2005, the day after our November 5th wedding… in Tucson.

Our fifteen year anniversary, my fifteenth birthday… milestones worthy of celebration. But as seems to be the theme of this blog, and life… the world had other plans.

We made it to Tucson in January, celebrated, had a couple minor bumps…. but all in all it was a great trip.

Shortly after we returned home, the word shut down, politics got ugly, and things turned… weird. Sitting at home watching sitcoms I ask Tara if she ever has a flash of discomfort when the characters in whichever show we are watching just “walk right into the restaurant, without a mask on, closer than six feet like it’s nothing.” She said she does too. Strange how quickly this “new norm” has become a “comfortable” reality, and normal life now feels uncomfortable.

Memories of carefree strollings into Costco with the whole family hitting every sample table, then congregating around a dirty food court table for $1.50 hotdogs… seem distant and difficult to conceive of their return. Anywho… I digress.

This is about 15 years. How much has changed that I also can’t imagine life before… or going back to it.

Seventeen years ago I got a call from Will. My friend, who wanted to stop by with his wife, her cousin Tara, and the blind date they had her set up on. His name, incidentally, was also Tom. I said sure. I was home alone, in a new midtown “loft-style” house I built with my dad in Tucson.

I was watching “Old School” with Will Farrell and drinking a beer. They arrived shortly thereafter and we stood around the kitchen counter, engaging in small talk about my new house and how everybody was doing.

I was interested in Tara but she was on a date and was much too young for me. I’d later learn the universe had other plans, as my friend and academy buddy’s wife who Tara worked with was trying to set us up… unbeknownst to me. Tara also didn’t know I was the Tom who Beth was talking about. We went our separate ways that night after chatting for a few minutes. A couple months later I was having a party at my home, and Will was there. Having thought about Tara occasionally over the last couple months, I told Will to call and invite her over. He quickly informed me she was also having a party that we were welcome to come over to. I kicked everyone out, and we headed to Tara’s. No need to talk about the fact that it was a costume party, and some of the attendees were armed with real looking fake guns for their costumes, and the friends who all came with me were cops. The costumes party goers thought it would be funny to point their realistic guns at us, and almost learned a very permanent lesson… the party broke up after that, and everyone went home but me. The rest, as they say, was history.

A week later we would go on our first date to see “Kill Bill” and eat at Risky Business. We were pretty inseparable after that.

One year later we got engaged on the cliffs of La Jolla Cove in San Diego… incidentally, the first beach my parents ever took me to when I was born in San Diego.

One year after that, we were married in Tucson at La Mariposa on a perfect fall day. November 5, 2005.

We danced our first dance as a married couple to Frank Sinatra’s “It Had to Be You.”

Watching the video 15 years later with our six kids was bittersweet.,, such great memories, but so many loved ones who were there, and are not here any more. 15 years have flown by in the blink of an eye, but it seems trite to even say “so much has happened.” Because everything has happened.

We are on our fifth move. Our family has grown from two to eight.

I’ve changed careers and changed back again.

Friends who stood up with us on that day have moved on, and our lives have grown apart.

New friends have become important parts of our lives.

And Tucson isn’t our home any more…. today it’s Washington. But it’s really wherever we all are, together.

So, how do you celebrate fifteen years of events that could fill a lifetime in 2020 when “plans” don’t mean squat? You make the best.

To celebrate this day, year, and half century, we brought Tucson to us…. with homemade Carne seca, salsa and tortillas. Margaritas and cake. The whole family watched the wedding video and ate cake… so many memories.

And so many still to make. This milestone had me looking back fondly on the last fifteen years, and hoping for fifty more.

And while I’d like to say we will celebrate our twentieth in Maui as a family, 2020 has taught me to hang on loosely to plans and to enjoy each precious moment that God blessed us with.

Happy anniversary to us. May God continue to bless our marriage, our family, and our loved ones, and may we always have gratitude for God who gave us everything.